News

Aug 04, 2023

The Fork: I am The Spork

Hello. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am The Spork. I am not The Fork, whose insistence upon referring to themself as “we” has grown tiresome. Like you, I do not care for the term “brekkie b.”

Hello. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am The Spork. I am not The Fork, whose insistence upon referring to themself as “we” has grown tiresome. Like you, I do not care for the term “brekkie b.” I am not interested in colorful language or f-words, nor do I wish to waste anyone’s time. You might be wondering about why, if I am so no-nonsense, I would refer to myself as The Spork. Well, not only do I play with the hand I was dealt, but much can be said for my namesake illustrious utensil. As I have been informed, a notably large contingent of those who read The Fork do not care to dilly-dally or engage with jokes or hyperbole, I will just get started now.

While it would be easy to assume that Kentucky Fried Chicken or, perhaps, its founder, Harland Sanders, invented the spork, it’s simply not true. Like many utensils throughout history, it’s actually much harder to nail down one progenitor. One name remains synonymous with the modern spork, but evidence suggests he was simply expanding already existent ideas. So yes, while Samuel Francis did indeed create a utensil including a fork, spoon and knife in 1874, so-called ice cream forks that merged spoon and fork existed well before.

As with most things, the proletariat extrapolated, expanded and expounded the spork for many years after that. By 1951, inventor Hyde W. Ballard trademarked the word spork, with the Van Brode Milling Company filing a patent to make plastic sporks sometime later. Today, Plastico Limited owns the patent for producing plastic sporks. I have also seen them made wood or metal, such as titanium.

And the combo utensils don’t stop there. I have also seen the chork, a combination fork and chopsticks, and the splayd, a reportedly Australian creation that fits knife, fork and spoon together just like Samuel Francis envisioned. I, however, am not prone to nonsense and have little to no interest in whimsical tools that take the place of three perfectly fine tools that have worked well for the entirety of my life. Even so, if you should find yourself using a spork at a fast food restaurant someday, know that you are part of a tradition dating back to the 1800s.

I believe this song is informative about sporks.

This is where I am to discuss snacks? I enjoy plain almonds, roasted but not salted. There are many places to obtain these nuts and I trust you will figure out how to do that.

-Food newsletter The Bite has a list of patios at which people in Santa Fe might find themselves should they be looking to sit on a patio. I have enjoyed sitting on a patio from time to time, and therefore found this list helpful. I almost always order water, no ice, and I drink it while sitting on the patio.

-May 25 is also known as National Chardonnay Day, according to the team at New Mexico’s Gruet Winery. The company has numerous chardonnays from which to choose on its website. Remember, also, that Gruet has a tasting room in Santa Fe. Thus, if you wish to imbibe chardonnay on National Chardonnay Day, you can find chardonnay there.

-In recent weeks, The Fork was trying to find out the name of the brewer/co-owner of Athletic Brewing who had worked for a time at Santa Fe’s Second Street Brewery. Whereas The Fork failed, however, I was able to deduce that man’s name is John Walker. Now you know that. As for why The Fork couldn’t just look it up, I will never know.

-I have been told that we can expect the Dragon Room, being the bar attached to/in cahoots with The Pink Adobe restaurant on Old Santa Fe Trail, is slated to re-open this summer following its acquisition from Santa Fe’s Seret family. Diners can currently dine at The Pink Adobe, however, which I can only assume also serves drinks.

-Hue-Chan Karels, of soon-to-open Alkeme at Open Kitchen, has begun regular tastings with her Executive Chef Erica Tai. Apparently they’re zeroing in on quite a menu and Alkeme should be opening sometime in the coming weeks. I am personally very excited to try Tai’s food. Karels’ food, as most of us already know, is also excellent. Opuntia owner Todd Spitzer has been helping with the interior design of Alkeme, notable insofar as I find Opuntia a very nice and comfortable space.

-Coffeeshop and bakery Baked & Brew is slated to open “soon” at 1310 Cerrillos, the former site of Sweet Motor Cars, but so far has not set said date exactly.

-It appears that local food maven Chaine Peña, who formerly opened a macaron/cookie shop called Chainé that ultimately evolved into a shop called Mija that included retail stuff in addition to the cookies, will reopen as Chainé on/in Burro Alley. According to Peña’s recent Instagram activity, patrons can expect everything they loved about Mija on a larger scale. Perhaps you should follow her on Instagram if you’d like to stay updated on any happenings.

-The Fork told me recently that there are those who act like this newsletter space never mentions the machinations of restaurant workers, owners, etc. I can only hope that there have been informative pieces of information contained herein.

Though I normally do not care for the antics of filmmaker John Waters and his ilk, this particular scene features the type of clean and enjoyable song we can get behind.

In lieu of a shout-out here, I unfortunately need to apologize yet again for The Fork, who mistakenly implied that Pizzeria Espiritu is under new ownership. The Fork worked for the company when it was on Canyon Road some years ago and misunderstood the leadership structure. They are very sorry for any confusion they caused, even if they couldn’t be here to write this newsletter, and they wanted me to let you know that the ownership remains the same. Like The Fork, I enjoy the Greek pie.

-I want to show you this recipe from Foodtalkdaily.com, which breaks down how to make French toast using English muffins. French toast is not hard and the recipe pans out just how you’d assume it might, though for any readers who don’t yet know how to make French toast, this could be a valuable read. I am including this because French toast tastes delicious and I thought you would enjoy the chance to make it at home. Please don’t misconstrue this as myself or anyone else telling you what foods you have to make at home.

-Foodandwine.com recently wrote about a survey from OnePoll, which found that coffee drinkers have very specific ratios when it comes to how much they can drink and still be productive. I, being The Spork, much prefer green tea. No jitters and a wonderful taste? Yes, please.

-While I am on the topic of coffee, it appears that mega-brand Kraft Heinz will now sell IHOP-branded coffee in grocery stores. The coffee reportedly tastes like pancakes, and while I am not sure who is looking for coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee, please know that this is happening. Additionally, I would like to say that I do not judge any readers for the types of coffee and caffeine they ingest.

-Lastly in this section for this week, celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay will return to his Kitchen Nightmares television program after 10 years off the air. This is the show in which struggling restaurant owners invite the shrewd restauranteur to help them fix their own businesses, at which point they fight him at every turn and complain when he tries to help. Both of my parents were poets, so I don’t own a television, but I assume that I will somehow get glimpses of episodes while I am doing other things online, such as researching history, using a thesaurus for the highly literate and/or learning about the migratory patterns of whales.

This is from a different Gordon Ramsay show, but it is humorous.

There is no food story in the print edition of SFR this week. My apologies. And though I’d very much like to promise The Fork will return next week, it is likely they’re never coming back. In the meantime, I have been advised to suggest any readers visit vote.sfreporter.com to cast their votes for the upcoming Best of Santa Fe issue. That is all.

Number of Letters Received

29

*People explained to us that they prefer jelly to jam. Not in every instance, but in enough of them for us to make that call.

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)

“Didn’t your mom make jam?”

*She did not. You might be thinking of The Fork. I am The Spork.

Actually Helpful Tip(s)

“You can buy a kit for making jam!”

*Why do people tell The Fork what to buy so often?

Sincerely,

The Spork, Esq.